Pikastress.

01:29



Say hai to the new blog template ! :3
I know it's a bit late to blog about everything in my life since it's been a long long time since I updated.
But never mind, I will eventually post up everything that had been going on in my life.
Recently I had a few family problems, I just hope everything will be fine soon.
Yeah, even though I maybe smiling, laughing and say 'I'm okay' everyday in school but I'm really not.

My personal life, blehh. I have this friend, I don't know what she's thinking. Every time I'm happy with him she will have to say something to change his mind and make us go back to stage one. DUDE I'm tired of staying in stage one. Let's move on. Don't listen to her. She's not your mind. She starts to flirt with him every lesson we have together. I am not the only one who thinks that way, my other friend can see it too. She says 'I don't like him' to me but she still flirts with him. DO YOU THINK I AM BLIND?
Stop declining hugs from me, stop pretending you don't care. Forget the past, you know you still like me that way, why can't we just start all over again. The thing he doesn't like about me is my glasses, okay I got contact lenses. BUT you end up hugging that girl in front of my face. BITCH PLEASE YOU SAID YOU AIN'T LOVIN ANY HUGS WHY ARE YOU HUGGING HER? Once I let go of you, you come to me saying ohh lets be friends like last time. YOU SAID THAT TO ME. Why are you declining hugs from me now? Why don't you still walk with me anymore? WHY? Is it cause you have her in your life you don't need me? Please remember, I brought you to knowing her. I don't bring you to know her because I want her to be a homewrecker between us. Yeah even though she think I don't like you anymore but yes deep down, I still do. Even after those bullshit you told me and do to me, I still do like you like how I did. Okay.. not making sense there but anyway.

Even though you may think he is such a jerk after reading this but no, deep down, he is really nice. I like him and his family. Yes, people call him a player but from my point of view, he acts like one but not one. I'm sure no one wants to be a player. I guess he just does it to make people think he's 'hard'. People just think of him as a dick if you know what I mean. He's not the popular kid but just a normal ordinary guy but after everything he did to me I thought that he was real (in relationship wise) since he kind of made me broke up with two guys. Okay, just one. That was a year ago. The reason I didn't say yes to him a year ago is because I don't know him that well and I wanted to take things slow and see if he actually love me that much without getting hurt moreover I had another lover so I thought it was wise to choose to love the wise one but I guess I was wrong. It's not because I tricked him, the reason we broke up and what's befitting me if I trick him? I just trick him to love me? NO. He love me that's why we started. That's why he gives me hugs from the back, that's why he let me sit on his lap even though it was a bit uncomfortable for him. That's why he kissed me in front of other people. That's why he gives me surprises kisses. That's why I fell in love with him. He made me fall in love with him. He wanted me. I didn't want him that badly. I just started to fall for him as we were going out for longer and longer. I always asks him WHY. Why does he do this to me.. he just end up changing the topic and make as if I didn't asked and then started to kiss me even though we weren't going out. I REPEAT. WE WEREN'T GOING OUT even though we broke up previously, that is why I fell for him again. I don't just have that feeling again because I saw him. No. I had that feeling again because of his actions.

He made me trust him but then the trust is broken because of one silly accident that he keep using as an excuse. I GIVE UP. I don't want to play this game anymore. I'm tired and broken. I lost my best friend because of him. I need to move on and don't look back. Yes, I moved on but then he swipe me back in to the black hole. And then now, I'm taking time to crawl out of the black hole AGAIN.

I guess from today on wards, I have to let go and let all the feelings fade away. Easier said than done, this was what my bestfriend said. She understands how I feel about him because come on you can see on my face how much I love him. How can you just say let go and then just let go. It's impossible okay. Wait, it's not impossible for GUYS. They can just act like another happened between both of us and just flirt with other girls.

Finally, all urges are released. I had been in stress for the past month because of my art exam but finally it's done! and I have time to release mental stress on my blog. Might be blogging more since I still have photos that I can use to update you all C: I have been stressing with my studies since they are very important for me this year, anyways, I will try my best and I know I haven't been replying chatbox. I got a bit more busy since I had to work on Sundays. Work and study. That's all I care about this time.

People just don't understand me. They don't even understand what person I am. Even though you might guess some of my actions but not all and not all are the same. Yes I love him. If he love me, let him love me. If we are meant to be, we will be. We/he doesn't need other opinions to decide on our/his love life. At the end, it's us two in the relationship, nothing to do with you. Okay, fair enough if he's cheating, I lay all my cards out but he's not? or is he? Can't trust him that much anyway.




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2 ℓovɛ

  1. babeee... are you still remember meee ?? :))
    hahaha!! ^^

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sure remember you! ^-^ Long time no chat already.

    ReplyDelete

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