Sunday, 20 November 2011


This is a total rant post. Just ranting about my life and what happened on Friday 18/11/2011.
It wasn't a total nice day, I wish it was. It was the day I had hope but got let down REALLY quickly.
This is a break up-ish blog post. I'm weird. k. But this is my way to let go. Anyway no one reads this anyway.
I'm not normal, I'm weird. He doesn't mind. He understands my differences. He makes an effort to change me. I try to listen as  I am a person who doesn't take orders. And also I treated him the same. I try to change him to a better person. His dad agrees. LOL.
We argued on tuesday. We got back together on wednesday. He said this "This wifey deserve my love a lot. Love sei you. One day I'll make you my beautiful bride." I was really touched you know. I believed this word. This word gave me lots of hope. We were together because no normal FRIEND would say this to each other. Friday he says a girl broke his heart, he wants my comfort. I asked him, who broke your heart.. He didn't answer but said "will you mind if i've a girl friend already?" I was like, you are joking right. I couldn't believe it! I couldn't fucking believe it. but it was true...

I couldn't believe it. We didn't even break up and he has a girlfriend. There was nothing wrong. There was literally NOTHING! I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't say anything wrong. I said, "We haven't break up yet" and he said "Is you only. I break up already I'm also taken now." WHAT IS THISSSSSS! Isn't relationship about two people ? If only one know about the break up.. what about the other half ? Don't you care about how she feels ? She didn't even do anything wrong, she doesn't even know what she did wrong. She's confused and what ever. She feels crap. It's unbelievable. How can you be so harsh ? Is that love ?

I wonder why that girl feels guilty. If you feel guilty, don't be in the relationship. If you feel bad then don't. Just leave. Find another. There are literally SO MANY GUYS. AND WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO CONFESS TO ONE IN THE MILLION. HIM. Why ? You know this would happen. Why bother start it? If you feel sorry for me, why bother? Why just why? I'm not blaming HER. I am not asking her to bug off my ex. Just I couldn't understand.. He only fall in love with girls he love. He only say yes to girls he LOVE and not LIKE. "I don't love her" This word just killed it. It almost killed my love for him. But it didn't.. why? I ask myself.. WHY ? Why do I still love him?

Why you asked ? It's cause I do not believe. I do not want to believe.. I can't believe it hurts so much.
I accepted all his apologies. Why didn't he accept mine ? He said "We must fulfill those promises together ok ? Promise me that we'll do it together. Actually when I broke up with you I force myself to flirt with others that I don't like and add many ppl to make you jealous . As time goes by I only realise I love you a lot. I really want you to be my future wife I let you control my life..." What does this means ? This is not what FRIEND would say to each other. This is what a COUPLE would say to each other.

Just because I don't want to put my relationship back on with him on facebook.. Is this why he treats me like this ? I asked him, I DID. He said it was too late.. WTH is this ? If you say you REALLY want to put back on our relationship then okay. I will put it back but why do you want to tell me you have another girlfriend ? WHY? What are you trying to tell me ? What are you trying to show me ? If you love a person you wouldn't mind about this right ? It's just facebook dude.

Why do you do this to me in such a sudden ? I asked once.. he didn't answer. I opened my mind. It's okay. If he really loves me he will come back to me. No need to ask here and there.Be yourself and act nothing happened.If he loves you,he'll find you.
We promised each other, we will always try our best, no matter what to get back each other if either one of us break up. I will try my best.

Today I watch Forensic heroes III. If you watch it you would understand what I mean. Angel dies at the end.. his boyfriend talks about memories they been through.. they were alike the ones I had with him.. I would want him to die before me so that he doesn't need to be to heartache and lonely without me. 珍惜你面前的人。。:') I can't believe I thought until the stage of death for him.. What am I thinking I wonder myself..

But the most important thing is, if he is happy, it's really enough.

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Southend 2nd

30082011 / 30 Aug 2011

I went to Southend for the second timeeeee ! 

This time I went to the sea life adventure .

Did abit of window shopping, I didn't buy much in the shopping mall.  

Ate crabs for dinner. Aww, I still miss it >< Sadly I didn't take any pictures cause I was busy eating. 
Collected some shells, won a teddy bear and the pink bear thingy and a sweet pen in the fun fair, and also I bought VOODOO doll keychain! :'3 I love that key chain but I didn't use it cause it was too cute to use it. 

Thanks for viewing ;) ❤

I took a long long time to update. I still have one long update to post so stay tuned.